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This will probably get longer as the Summer goes on

1. Get a job
2. Save money
3. Look for jobs while in Edinburgh next semester
4. Look at options for after graduating
5. Lose a bit of weight and tone up
6. Clean out random shit from bedroom
7. Keep room tidy
8. Don't fight with mum or sister
9. Sit driving test
10. Go to landmark
11. Go to West Coast of Scotland
12. Get Flat sorted for next year
13. Make room look nicer
14. Keep in contact with everyone
15. Buy nicer clothes
16. Go to the beach
17. Make new friends
18. Shopping in Glasgow
19. Do dissertation
So excited for this week. I cant wait.
Im also still living out of a suitcase. So much easier than unpacking when you just have to put it all back in the bag in a couple of weeks anyway.
I actually cannot believe 2006 is almost over or that I am 19 years old in 14 days. This year has gone so fast and this coming year is my last teenage one. It scares me. I dont want to get older, become too responsible, be "grown up". I dont know what I want to do in the future. I actually have no idea. Im going to live it up next year. Not be in the same routine as this year. Have more fun, meet new people. It'll be cool.

I have realized this year that I dont always have to do what people expect of me or what they want me to do. Doing what they want didnt make me happy and the past few months proves that. Taking charge of what I want to do is definatly the best decision I could have made. Next year I am not going to let chances pass me by.
I have jealousy issues.

Actually scratch that, I have issues.
People are pissing me off,just in general.
Some friends are just bugging because they always kind of annoy me, so no change there.

Howeve, others are expecting me to do things when they didnt even tell me about it.
Yes,I realise we have to meet up for the flat, but you live an hour away, not a five hour bus journey like me. It's not that easy.I cant just be like "im going tomorrow",Takes a bit more planning than that.

Everything is just pissing me off. I basically want to just say fuck off to everyone (except,maybe 2 people).

I hate the way you saved my life.
I hate the way you died.
I hate the drunken bastard who drew a gun on me.
I hate the way he had a weapon and you didn't.
I hate the way you tried to grab the gun from his hand.
I hate the way the gunshots echoed through my head like a thousand songs playing at once; all singing mournful promises and lies.
I hate the way the first bullet entered straight through your stomach.
I hate the way the second bullet pierced straight through your heart.

The heart that beat for me.
The heart that died for me.

I hate the way your eyes tried to speak to me when the light began to fade from them.
I hate the way they glittered with a thousand unfallen tears.
I hate the way your lips tried to twist into a reassuring smile, even though I knew it was impossible.
I hate the way the blood fell from your lips, your flesh growing colder as your heartbeat got slower.
I hate the way my tears fell on your face, mixing with your fallen blood.
I hate the way the paramedic shook his head and said it was too late.
I hate the way that drunken bastard shot himself in the head before I got the chance to kill him.
I hate the way you held my hand until the very last breath passed your lips.
I hate the way your hand slipped from mine as you fell into oblivion.

I hate the way you left me without saying goodbye.

(That made me cry)
"Here's to the kids. The kids who would rather spend their night with a bottle of whiskey & Patrick or Sonny playing on their headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party. Here's to the kids whose 11:11 wish was wasted on one person who will never be there for them. Here's to the kids whose idea of a good night is sitting on the hood of a car, watching the stars. Here's to the kids who never were too good at life, but still were wicked cool. Here's to the kids who listened to Fall Out Boy and Hawthorne Heights before they were on MTV...and blame MTV for ruining their life. Here's to the kids who care more about the music then the haircuts. Here's to the kids who have crushes on a stupid lush. Here's to the kids who hum "A Little Less 16 Candles A Little More Touch Me" when they're stuck home, dateless, on a Saturday night. Here's to the kids who have ever had a broken heart..from someone who didn't even know they existed. Here's to the kids who have read The Perks of Being A Wall Flower & didn't feel so alone after doing so. Here's to the kids who spend their days in photobooths with their best friend(s). Here's to the kids who are straight up smartasses & just don't care. Here's to the kids who speak their mind. Here's to the kids who consider screamo their lullaby for going to sleep. Here's to the kids who second-guess themselves on everything they do. Here's to the kids who will never have 100 percent confidence in anything they do, and to the kids who are okay with that. Here's to the kids."
Okay, night out in elgin=shit.
Why does it have to be so hard?
Nothing like the night out we had last weekend.
You know why?Everyone is coupled up.Its fucking shit.Everyone starts looking after their partners so much.
So what if one is drunk.He would manage to survive if you werent there.
God its so shit.I love being single but sometimes you need someone.
At least she wasnt out, that would have made the night unbearable. And the fact that people notice us when we hardly even speak to each other says something.
Why didnt i do something when i had the chance?Why why why?Its so stupid. Sometimes i hate him, but thats when i dont see him.When i do i honestly want to cry especially as i know its never going to happen.
I suppose i have to get over it.
I dont think i will though.

Anyway, in other news i dyed my haor again. I just wanted a change. Noone noticed though.
They are so obsessed with themselves to do that.
Anyway, i guess i should go and sleep.
At least then i dont have to think about tonight.
Okay, this thing is tres confusing.
I have no idea how to work this thing but im sure i will figure it out.
Anyway, decided to get a livejournal,i dont know why but it might do some good it might not.I will probably forget about or use it about once a month but who really cares.
Got a job at the foundry today.Dont want to work there but i need a job so much.Get to work with nikki which i guess will be fun,but sometimes i just want to get away from all my friends.
Cant fucking wait to go on holiday.
Will be so good to get away.
Hopefully hot boys!
Hell yeah.
Anyway, thats it really, this was pretty crap but oh well.